It's always been you
by NatBBfan
Summary: Missing moment from "Back in Dillon for senior year". A certain conversation between María and Bradley that would change their friendship forever. One-shot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Friday Night Lights, or any of its characters or plots. I just own my storyline and my OCs.

By mid October, María and Bradley had fallen into an easy routine as roommates. More than four weeks had gone by since John (Bradley's actual roomie) and Annie (María's) had gotten together at a party. As a result of that, Bradley and María lived like a married couple in many ways. Despite he kept saying that John and Annie were just each other's rebound and thus they would split up soon, there was still no sign of breaking up. On the contrary, they hardly left John's room, if that was any indication.

By then María was starting to feel overwhelmed as everything around her seemed to be a constant source of concern. The double major did not seem such a good idea while she was desperately trying to keep her spot at the UT lineup and her excellent stats. Plus the fact that she was sharing her dorm 24/7 with Bradley was definitely taking a toll on her. During the time she was not studing or at the range or the course she had to focus on keeping her distance from him instead of relaxing and getting some very needed rest. Nothing had changed since she had told him about her feelings for Billy, but he was great and had proved to be a very good friend, and falling into his arms would be so easy…

On top of everything, she was aware of his feelings for her, and the last thing she intended was to fuel them by being too close. So much to her dismay, she was beginning to look forward to spending some extra time at the gym just to avoid Bradley, which was not helping her at all.

"Hey, María, don't be so hard on yourself, don't have to decide anything yet. Not till next semester, at least. Try get some rest," Bradley told her one night she voiced out her concerns after a particular hard day both in class and at the range.

Talking to each other from bed to bed with the light off before falling asleep had become their late night routine. Being an only child, María had never shared her room with a sister, but now she had a clear idea of what it could be like. Of course she had had roommates at GMI during the three years she had been there, but they were large rooms with bunks for at least four girls and she had never been really close to any of her roomies at the time. So that sense of intimacy she felt with Bradley every night was new to her, and she was doing her best not to let herself be carried away and, above all, not to mistake it for a different kind of feeling.

"I'd love to, but my whole body aches. I think it's stress…" María said slowly getting into bed.

"Try reading a bit? Don't mind if you turn your side lamp on…" Bradley proposed. He was not blind and he could see how she was more and more exhausted and drained with every passing day. He was striving to help her in any way he could, but it was also obvious to him that she was trying to keep him at arm's length. He could guess where it all came from. After their little chat in the diner the day they left Dillon for college he had been first afraid María would not trust him anymore, as maybe he had been too forward. Bradley had never intended to risk their friendship, and later that night he had been relieved she had resorted to him for advice as soon as she had received a text form Billy. From then on she had seemed to still trust him, yet he could not help but feel that María was constantly keeping her distance.

"No, I'm too stiff, I'm sure that's not gonna work…" she whispered trying to relax.

Bradley hesitated before speaking again. His intentions were good, but he was afraid she could misinterpret him. And that was the last thing he wanted. "Come here, we'll loosen up those muscles…"

María froze when she heard him saying that. "Bradley, I don't think…" she started saying. She would love nothing more than a good massage on her neck and shoulders that were very rigid, but she could not think of a more dangerous scenario given the way she was feeling lately.

"I'm not gonna do anything inappropriate, María, I promise, if that's what you're worried about…" he chimed in, sensing her concern.

"No, I know. I trust you Bradley, but I don't trust myself on this… I really appreciate it, but I'm tired and I know that if I step on your bed now I'll end up regretting it, and I don't want that…" María was thankful the light was off, because this way she did not have to look at him while they talked and he could not see a fierce blush creeping up her cheeks.

"Okay…" he replied.

"I'm sorry, Bradley, I'm really sorry," she said while arranging her pillow trying to find comfortable position for her neck. As she was moving, something fell from under her pillow. The noise was barely audible, but Bradley had been so alert to María´s reaction that he noticed it.

"Don't be, it's okay," he said reaching for the fallen object. Despite the room was dark, as soon as he grabbed it he knew it was a hoodie. The fabric and the weight were unmistakable; in fact, he owned one very similar to the one that he was now softly placing on the edge of María's bed.

"We can close the window if you're cold at night…" he whispered. They usually left the window half open to let the soft night breeze in, but the sweatshirt on her bed suddenly made him think that maybe she preferred to keep it closed.

Once more, she felt her cheeks burning, and she had never been so deeply thankful for the darkness in the small room. "Thanks… No, leave it… I'm not cold…" she stammered trying to hide the hoodie under the pillow.

"Sure?" he asked curiosly. It was not very often that she stuttered, even less over a piece of clothing. It did not make any sense to him.

María sighed and sat on her bed, resting her back on the headboard and bringing her knees up to her chest. She was too tired to hide anything from him. After all, he was Bradley, her friend and current roommate, and it was just a hoodie. "Yeah, this isn't… I'm not cold… It's just… Billy's hoodie, I keep it under my pillow… Please, don't say anything…" she mumbled in the dark.

"I won't… I'm sorry I brought it up, didn't want to upset you, María. Are you two still writing?" he softly asked sitting on Annie's bed, which had become his bed. He rested his head on the wall and closed his eyes. The twin beds were so close that he only had to raise his arm to the right to reach María and comfort her, but he held back exercising all his self-control.

"Yes, I'm… I'm truly happy, we're close again as friends, like we used to be… but…" Having Billy back in her life again was her main current source of joy, but deep inside she was worried that it could lead to frustration if her feelings for him did not evolve to the "just-friend" zone in the short term.

"That's great, María..."

"Yeah, but … I keep wondering if being friends won't hurt me in the long run… I mean, I still have feelings for him and, I don't know, I'm happy he's in my life again but I don't know if being friends will ever feel enough for me…" she explained.

"Time'll tell, María." He wanted to tell her that being just friends was actually possible in cases like that, as he had learnt it himself the hard way regarding the feelings he harbored for her. But he found it to be too forward and opted for a different piece of advice. "Don't overthink it, there's not much you can do from here apart from writing. And I'm sure that if he has feelings for you he'll end up telling you… and you know I think he has…"

She sighed. "Hope so," she whispered getting into bed again. "And what about you, Bradley? You now know all about my lame love life. You wanna share yours? I'm curious and I think I'm not gonna fall sleep any time soon... Please?" she asked cautiously, eager to divert the focus from Billy and her.

He had ruled out the possibility of sharing his feelings for her long ago as he was positive it would mark a significant change in their friendship. But despite the darkness in their dorm he could sense trust and love over her request. Of course it was not the kind of love he would like to feel from her if it was related to him, but he knew she meant well. They had become close friends during the last months, even more since they were in college and had ended up sharing the same room. Since they left Dillon she had completely opened up her soul to him, and she deserved the same from his side. "Okay, but promise me it's not gonna be weird between us if I tell you about it..."

She smiled in the dark. "I promise, Bradley, unless you confess to be a serial killer or something like that, I promise it won't be weird."

He started talking in a low voice, playing with the helm of his old Panther t-shirt, still sitting on his bed. "For me it's always been you, María. You remember that day when our teacher Mrs. González told us in class that you would not be going to Dillon High with us, that you were going to Florida instead?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes at the memory, trying to keep her mind off his first line. "I do, it was embarrassing. I didn't want anybody to know and she told the whole class..." she replied.

"Well, I knew it that very moment. I knew I liked you..." he said slowly waiting for her reaction.

To his surprise, she placed her left hand on his right arm. "Come on, Bradley, we were finishing eighth grade back then..."

"I know..." he muttered taking a deep breath, using all his willpower not to hold her hand.

"Hey, it's okay, I didn't know..." she whispered squeezing his arm and thereupon withdrawing her hand.

"Sorry, I guess telling you after all these years feels kind of liberating or something..." he chuckled nervously. A huge burden had just been relieved from his shoulders but he wondered what her reaction would be.

"It's okay, Bradley. But I think you dated Laura Smith for over a year..." she mentioned trying to divert the attention from her while his revelation was sinking in. And she was curious about he and Laura, as she had been on the Panthers soccer team and María knew her well. Being also a forward, Laura and María had spent a great deal of time together working on plays with Coach Roberts in addition to regular practice, and they always got along really well. As they were very much alike, only María's tight schedule and Laura dating one of Jack's teammates in Westerby had prevented them from becoming close friends and hanging out together.

"Actually over two years..." he said nodding in the dark."We started High School and you were gone to Florida. I had planned a million ways to tell you I liked you that summer before you left, you know?" Once he had started talking, he felt he had to tell her the whole story. After all, she had asked for it and he had done the hardest part.

"I'm sorry Bradley, I didn't know, I never would've guessed it..."

"I know, I never found the strength to tell you. I mean, you were Tim Riggins' best friend, you used to play football and swim at the lake with him and Jason Street, no more and no less. You were number one in our class and the best female junior golf player in the State of Texas, I knew I did not stand a chance..." he trailed off.

While he was talking, her mind rushed back to her eighth grade class. It was far from being a fond memory. She was not really friends with any of the girls. She had nothing in common with them and they usually mocked her, calling her tomboy whenever they had the chance. Most of them were cheerleaders and rally girls in the making, and they were envious of the way María was one of them among the boys. Because she got on very well with the boys. Tim was her best friend, but the rest of the boys in her class, like Matt and Bradley, were always nice to her. María was definitely one of their own. She vividly recalled Bradley back then. He was always a good student, shy and polite, and she had really enjoyed working with him on a few assignments that year. She was stunned to find out that had she known back then he liked her, she would probably have agreed to a date with him. But she was not so sure her parents would have let her date at fourteen.

She chuckled. "That's funny Bradley, because if you'd asked me out back then, I think I would've said yes, although my parents would've not let me date at that age. I found you to be very much like me, easy going, good student... most of my friends were quite the opposite..." he said remembering how Miles, Alan, Jack and Tim were always up to something. María knew them so well and spent so much time with all of them that she did not find them attractive at all. They were her friends and being something more was just outside the realm of possibility for her. Never in a million years would she have imagined back then that she would end up going out with not just one but two of those lifelong friends.

"Bad timing, then, but I'm glad to hear that, never too late. Thank you María..." Bradley said trying to hide his surprise.

"Anytime, but you were telling me about Laura, you just said you dated for over two years, that's big Bradley..." She was genuinely curious about it.

"Yeah, in the twinkling of an eye you were in Florida and we were in High School. Soon I made the football team and suddenly had junior and senior cheerleaders and rally girls after me. Can you imagine what that's like for a shy, not good looking freshmen like me? All of a sudden I had a row of experienced girls waiting to have sex with me. And I gave in, you were gone and I had nothing to lose."

María fiercely blushed in the dark. She cleared her throat and he noticed it. "Hey, María, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable..."

"No, no, it's okay, I know I'm eighteen and I shouldn't feel this way at the mere mention of sex... Please don't mind me, go on..." she softly said.

He laughed and she misinterpreted it. "What's so funny?" she whined, slightly offended.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way… It's just that you've dated Jack Byrne and Tim Riggins and blush at the word "sex"… You have no idea how shocking that is."

"I…" she felt the need to defend herself.

He reached out and held her hand in the dark. "Please, don't get me wrong. It's impressive, too," he whispered. "_And also damn hot, if you ask me_," he thought to himself. He had been having a recurring dream lately in which he was María's first and taught her everything she needed to know about sex on that very same bed. The dream was usually so vivid that every morning he was thankful that María had already left the dorm by the time he woke up and headed for the shower.

Bradley pushed those images away. Her hand felt right in his and to his surprise she failed to retrieve it, completely oblivious to his current thoughts. He tried to resume their conversation. "Quite impressive indeed. I know it wasn't easy with Jack…"

"Thanks, Bradley. It was, at first, but then… It was always easy with Timmy, though, despite his reputation… That made me like him even more, you know… But don't get sidetracked… come on, Laura?" she asked willing to focus their conversation on him again.

"Sure... at the end of that crazy first High School football season I got to start the last games in spite of being my first year, and soon Laura was assigned as my very own rally girl. Also in ninth grade, she was new to it and felt lost, and I kept sleeping with everybody else's rally girls while I just was friends with mine. Funny, uh? We got on well from the beginning, and we started dating right after the season was over, till the summer after our junior year," he elaborated still holding her hand.

"That's a pretty long relationship. You loved her, if you don't mind me asking...?" The darkness in their dorm helped to overcome her usual shyness. Knowing him like she did, she could not understand how he had not been dating anyone since she had come home for her senior year.

"No... I did like her, and cared about her. And was faithful to her all the time we were together, but I didn't love her..." he trailed off keeping a soft grip on her hand.

"That's why you two broke up..." she whispered fearing the real reason behind that.

"No, we broke up because she slept with someone else. I knew it was a one time thing, but still couldn't forgive her no matter how hard I tried to. I tried, María, I really tried, but I just couldn't ..." he said letting her hand go. Feeling a strong sense of loyalty towards Laura, he kept all the painful details for himself, as he did not tell María that it had been with one of his Panthers teammates, a close one, who out of guilt and remorse had told him after a few days, nor that Laura had first strongly denied it when Bradley had finally confronted her, just to end up begging for his forgiveness when he shared his information source with her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Bradley..." María tried to comfort him, immediately longing for the warm touch of his hand.

"No, it's okay... It was for the better, though it hurt, it really hurt... and since then I went back to the rally girls. In a way it's painless, you know, no strings attached, no expectations..." He doubted before carrying on. "And this time I was a senior and I could chose my rally girls. I know it sounds awful from the outside, but it's the truth..." he said lying down on his bed and placing his hands under his head in an attempt to stop himself for reaching for María's hand again. He was beginning to worry that he was being a little bit too blunt.

"Do you... do you still see them? I mean, last summer, after we finished school, were you still seeing them?" she dared to ask. She could not recall seeing him with any of those girls during the summer. As a matter of fact, she was quite sure he had spent most of his time with her.

"Yeah, I was, I am." Alice Harris, former rally girl in Dillon High, was now at Baylor University, and he had made the trip up to Waco to see her on the two weekends María had been away with the team. "Alice is in Waco and we're in touch, we've seen each other lately," he simply outlined.

He noticed her silence and misread it. "I asked you out twice and you turned me down, María. Had it been different, I assure you they would not have been around any longer..." he said doing his best to keep his hands buried under his head.

"I know that, Bradley..." she sighed. She was beginning to regret having asked him in the first place.

"So, are you still my friend after all this?" he hopefully asked trying to lighten up the mood.

She nodded. "I am. Apparently you are not a serial killer..." she joked. "_Just a serial rally girl "admirer", to put it lightly..._" she thought to herself. It had been an intense conversation indeed. "I'm sorry Bradley, I didn't know all this. Maybe I shouldn't have asked..."

"I'm glad you did, María. I hope I didn't scare you..." He had been longing to confess her his true feelings for her since they had cowritten the valedictorian speech months before, but never found the right moment, as he was afraid of her reaction.

"You didn't. But there's one thing that has surprised me the most... Your busy sex life, with all the time we've spent together during the last months I would've never suspected that... I mean, I know you're not a monk, but this's been quite a discovery..."

"Hey, I'm discreet..." he said feigning offended. "And I've taken advantage of your time at the pool and golfing." Bradley had been thinking about María almost 24/7 during the last months, even when she was swimming or golfing. Although he wanted to be fully honest to her, there was a part regarding the rally girls that he kept for himself, as he thought if he told her about that there was no way she would still think highly of him. He was not proud of it, either, but he had not been able to help it. The truth was that most of the rally girls he had sex with during this last year, Alice included, were their classmates when they were in eighth grade, the very same ones that would mock María mercilessly and be mean to her. And Bradley had taken up his revenge for her by thinking about María all the time while they had sex. But he was not ready to disclose that to her. If he still had any chance at being more than a friend to her after everything he had just confessed her, he did not intend to ruin it by showing her his darker side just yet.

This tone then changed into a serious one. "But make no mistake, María. I wouldn't trade all the time we've spent together for anything, and I'd always choose hanging out with you over casual sex." He sighed trying to find the right words for what he was about to say. "I'm not gonna bring this up again, María, I promise, but if you ever feel like moving on from Billy, I'll be more than willing to help you."

She gulped. "Noted, Bradley. Good night," she said blushing once more.

"Night," he whispered knowing that it would be hard to fall asleep any time soon with his emotions still running high after their conversation.

Too afraid of jeopardizing their friendship, which was highly esteemed by both Bradley and María, the subject was not brought up again by none of them, and with goodwill on both sides, they managed to go back to when María did not know the extent and details of his true feelings for her. After all, they were close friends and seemed to be doomed to live together in a small room, at least for the rest of the college year.

Never would they have imagined the choices they both would end up making based on that single conversation in the years to come.


End file.
